Maybe It's Obsession..But This Is My Confession

Don't you changin' for me...

2009-10-25T01:10:33Z

So I'm sitting here updating as I'm waiting for the third period of the Leaf game to start and although we are not winning (of course), I'm happy to report that we are only losing 2-1. Against a team like Vancouver I'd say that's impressive, what is not impressive however is the fact that we got FIVE penalties in a row which led to Vancouver’s two goals....sigh. We were playing so well during the first half of the game too. Oh well, I'm expecting another loss.

Today is Andrew's birthday and we went out for dinner with his family last and it was awesome to see everyone again and strangely enough not awkward, That's probably because none of them know that we broke seven months ago and that could be because we don't act broken up at all. Not to mention we stayed up until 5 am playing Wii and watching Transformers 2 (which I loved by the way). Although I am not thrilled with our current situation and as pathetic as it sounds I'm willing to wait as long as it takes for him to be ready to marry me, within reason, and that in itself sounds ridiculous I know, but he's the love of my life, so what can I do?

School is awesome and settling down and I'm doing a lot better than I did in college which is strange. I've received two out of my three mid terms and I got 78% on my rhetoric exam and 82.5% on my brit lt exam (one of the highest marks in the class, hells yes). I have one more to get back, and unfortunately it's the one I fear the most. The prof is completely unreadable and it also doesn't help that he pretty much hates the class because we never participate, but that's because he shoots us down every time we do, so who knows. Wish me luck.

I ate Burger King today. That, my LJ friends, was a bad idea. My stomach has been effed ever since and I pretty much just feel like balls. The game is back on however so I shall update again soon:) Hope you're all well!

I tried..

2009-10-16T04:21:01Z

So thanks to the wonderful Livejournal community I now have a BSB that wasn't on the album and it describes how I feel right now to a tee. And before I do my usual of posting the lyrics I thought I'd update everyone on my life.

I completed my first two university midterms on Wednesday and they were well...interesting....The first one seemed way too easy and the second one consisted over one quote and underneath that said discuss. I really have no clue how I did on either on them so we shall see I guess. My worst midterm is coming up on Tuesday and I am much scared.

The Leafs. I don't think there is enough angry words in the English language to express my feelings so I just won't. Being a Leaf fan is a sad exisistence these days...

In happy news my Three Days Grace tickets came on the mail today...YAYA!!!!!!! I'm so friggin excited!!:D

Anyway I think it's lyrics time:)

On Without You Lyrics

i see your shadow even when you're not standing there
i feel you when i close my eyes
i've been through it all and made it out alive
it's only just a matter of time
i won't be (hopeless), i was so (devoted)
pieces would come together
i was so (blinded), my heart is (flatlined)
and i promise you baby

that i've tried but i can't try no more
and i've cried but i can't cry no more
and i've tried but i can't try no more
and i've cried but i can't cry no more
it's just so impossible going..
on without you, on without you
no i can't
it's impossible going..
on without you, on without you
no i can't

i hear you walking through the halls
and i know you're not home
the thought of you is all that remains
i wonder if i call would you pick up the phone
and tell me that you're feeling the same
there's nothing left (in me), my (?) (empty)
the pieces will come together
i tell myself (?) and if i'm wrong (?)
i'm not giving up baby

but i've tried but i can't try no more (no more baby)
and i've cried but i can't cry no more
and i've tried but i can't try no more
and i've cried but i can't cry no more
http://www.elyricsworld.com/on_without_you_lyrics_backstreet_boys.html
it's just so impossible going..
on without you, on without you
no i can't
it's impossible going..
on without you, on without you
no i can't
it's just so impossible

i got an empty bed on my right side
i'm missing you now for a life time
i tell myself i'm fine but i'm lying, i'm lying
and i promise you baby

that i've tried but i can't try no more
and i've cried but i can't cry no more (tried it baby)
and i've tried but i can't try no more
and i've cried but i can't cry no more
it's just so impossible going..
on without you, on without you
no i can't
it's impossible going..
on without you, on without you
no i can't
it's just so impossible going
on without you, on without you
no i can't
it's just so impossible going
on without you, on without you
no i can't
it's just so impossible going...

Lover, Lover

2009-09-29T04:52:25Z

That's right, I made a 3DG display pic with TBS lyrics.

I'm so badass.

New 3DG

2009-09-22T15:33:11Z

Wow,

This CD is amazing. It has so many different feels to it. I love it. I can sense some Nirvana influences and that just makes me so happy.

Now the next step: TOUR!!! They haven't announced any dates yet, but I'm so excited to let loose and mosh my life away:D

Sometimes I wonder about me and my music tastes. I mean a Jason Mraz concert made me appreciate life and I was all super happy and now thinking of a Three Days Grace concert, I can't wait to yell and scream about how much life can suck.

You guys really need to give this album a serious listen. It's called Life Starts Now.

MUSIC!

2009-09-20T04:24:56Z

I can't begin to tell you how friggin' excited I am for one very amazing reason: Between the days of Sept 22-Oct 9, three amazing artists come out with BRAND SPANKIN NEW CDS!!!!!!!!!!!! Three Days Grace, Michael Buble, BSB!!!!! SO HAPPY! And even though I've heard most of BSB's album having all the singles makes me EEEE!!!. It's so funny how all three songs are oppisites of each other, but I love them all equally. Right now I am relating heavily to Michael's single, but I'll have those lyrics at the end of this entry for your enjoyment:)

First things first, THE LEAFS. I actually got to watch the pregame tonight. Do I dare say that we might actually make the play offs this year? I just have one simple question and maybe somebody *cough cough** Stacey can help me out....Where the F did Jason Allison come from and why is he on our team??????? Agh! GO LEAFS GO!!! COME FASTER OCT 1.

It's lyrics time!

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
Have Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stopped Keepin Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Now Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Time
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Hmmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It By It ??
To Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Hmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get han I Get

Oh You Know It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Random, yet wonderful

2009-09-16T05:22:46Z

JORDAN WON BIG BROTHER! THANK CHRIST!:D:D:D:D:D
WHERE was hell's Kitchen tonght??:(

Zak came to visit me today...I loves my scarborough/pickering peeps. That includes YOU Miss Stacey! I misss yooou!

Bed time now.

Lover, lover tell me this,
Passion of Conciquence,
When did the latter take the lead?

When did the latter take the lead?

2009-09-14T05:10:22Z

Taking Back Sunday's newest album...

How the HELL did I miss it?

I LOVE IT!

She's nothin like a girl you've ever seen before...

2009-09-13T02:43:05Z

God damn. I love this song so much and I have no idea why, there's just something about Akon's voice. My new roomate Pauline had me listening to it at first and man now I can't stop listening. My other two roomies are prolly really annoyed by now. Ah wells.

As some of you may or may not know I moved to Waterloo to attend what I am learning to be one of the greatest universities ever. I mean I guess I'm bias because it's the ONLY one I've ever been to, but they just make you feel so loved and part of something so much bigger than yourself it's amazing, I moved into my new place on Sept. 1 and it definitely took some adjusting to, but it'[s starting to feel more and more like home.the first week was a rough one, I was the only one here and I just missed home so much, but once Frosh started all was good.

Frosh was AMAZING. i met so many amazing people and learned so many crazy cheers I'm soooo happy I went to almost everything. And because of this Sean Kingston's song Fire burnin will never be the same to me again haha. I love you arts and especially my AP DRAGONS!!!!!

I'm not sure why but i decided to update to try and keep my mind off the fact that I feel like absoulute shit emotionally right now. I'm not sure what happened. I just feel like poop and writing always helps. I seem to be having deep and meaningful conversations with so many people these days. the thing I hate though is that the next day it seems like nothing happened or was accomplished. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen, but I feel such a strong connection and then nothing. I don't like it at all.

That aside I have so many wonderful things to look forward to:

NEW THREE DAYS GRACE ALBUM SEPTEMBER 22!
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AT THE ACC SEPTEMBER 29
!!! THE LEAFS SEASON OPENER...HELLS TO THE YES OCTOBER 1
NEW BSB CD OCTOBER 6

EEEEEEEEE!

Must stay positive. I am really super excited for classes to start and for me not to get lost when venturing off ring road please please pleaaaaase!

Jason Mraz Ticket

2009-07-30T03:56:27Z

I have an extra ticket to Jason Mraz in Toronto on August 15th, and wondered if anyone was interested??

heart_whispers @ 2009-07-24T02:12:00

2009-07-24T06:15:44Z

I know you're as surprised as I am about the second update in just as many days, but I think a new BSB single is worthy

HELLS YESSSSSSSS!!

CHECK IT OUT!

www.backstreetboys.com

it plays continuously on the main page<3 They saved me once agan.....Soldier downnn

The One Smilin' Like The Sun...That's You.

2009-07-22T05:37:26Z

Short and sweet tonight folks.

There's some days where I feel like this describes my life to a tee,

But other days I pray it's not true. Confusing? I hope so.

" Not everything is supposed to come true;
Some words are best unsaid;
Some love is not really love at all;
I keep everything I shared with you;
And that's enough..there's us..."

Maybe someday...

Jon Dore Baby!

2009-07-16T19:09:48Z

I just had to post to talk about the amazing time I had at Just For Laughs last night. OH MAN.

Zak and I really wanted to go because we love Mark Forward We saw him at the Ajax Yuk Yuks a few weeks ago, and then when we saw that it was him AND Jon Dore we just couldn't pass it up. We got there a few hours early so we decided to find somewhere to eat. After walking down Queen street (towards the Rivoli) and after Zak pointing out every sushi restaurant on the way there that I did not want to go to haha, we decided to just eat at the Rivoli.

The burger I had there was SO good. We still had like an hour and a half before the show so we thought we'd try to get in early. And we did, and we got to see the behind the scenes to the JOn Dore Show. It was so epic. It makes me so sad to think that show is cancelled. Replaced by Keys to the VIP....SERIOUSLY? Man...

To explain how funny the whole night was would be impossible. but all you need to know is that it was absoulutely amazing.

To top the night off we're on the bus on the way home and this 80 year old woman's phone rings and all you hear is..."you spin my head right round, right round when you go down, when you go down, down..." I could not stop laughing.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this random update. I'm sorry I don't update more, I just don't have any motivation. I really do enjoy ready your entries though:)

heart_whispers @ 2009-05-14T12:52:00

2009-05-14T17:02:30Z

Ever since I was young your word is the word that always won.
Worry and wake the ones you love.
A phone call I'd rather not receive.
Please use my body while I sleep.
My lungs are fresh and yours to keep,
Kept clean and they will let you breathe.

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.
I'm not writing my goodbyes.

I submit no excuse.
If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake.
If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells
and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.
I'm not writing my goodbyes.

I'm not letting you check out.
You will beat this starting now and you will always be around.
I'm there to monitor your breathing
I will watch you while you're sleeping.
I will keep you safe and sound.
Does anybody remember back when you were very young.
Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.
I'm not writing my goodbyes.

Although I have already written my goodbyes, this song always reminds me of you and how I wish I could've saved you.

Instead, I will be honouring you forever.

I love you Uncle Joe.

heart_whispers @ 2009-04-28T23:59:00

2009-04-29T04:04:52Z

I cannot wait to get out of here.

I can't stand inconsiderate people, who instead apologizing for their short comings, just make up constant excuses and LIE.

It's even worse when the things are so small and shouldn't mean a thingm but of course Ms. Dramatic has to make them huge and it just makes me so incredibly fucking angry that I sometimes wish you would just grow up and realize it's not all about you.

Jesus Christ I just don't get how some people can be so stupid.

Four more months....

God help me.

Guess The Band

2009-03-05T17:40:26Z

GUESS THE BAND! MEME - snagged from</u>iquit

</span>

1. Open a music player.
2. Go to 'all music'/'library'.
3. Hit shuffle/repeat/randomise.
4. Find photos of the first 20 artists/bands that come up (no repeats and no cheating).
5. Have people guess who the artists/bands are.
6. Paste this in your journal and do it too, so I can have fun guessing as well.

T1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.
Couldn't resist putting myself in there:P

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

There you have it:)

Lovessss

2009-02-07T03:11:33Z

Think what you will about the Backstreet Boys,

but DAMN....has getting healthy done Nick Carter gooddddd.

See userpic if you don't get it.

I've also become addicted to HIMYM again. God I love you NPH.

Kelly Clarkson

2009-02-04T22:23:33Z

I've always wondered how is it is that whenever Kelly Clarkson is releasing a new album, either her debut single or one of her singles speaks directly to my life at the current time.

I believe stooperstacey bought me Breakaway for my birthday Four? years ago and "Behind These Hazel Eyes" was exactly how I felt when Matt had broken up with me a week prior.

As of right now, "My Life Would Suck Without You" is Andrew and I to a tee. And considering we just got back together like a month or so ago, the song is just perfect, so thank you Kelly! Can't wait for the album to be released!

Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again

(Chorus)
Cuz we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Maybe I was stupid
For telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong
For tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out I'm nothing without you

(Chorus)

Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you,
But I can't let you go,
Oh yeah

Cuz we belong together now, (yeah yeah)
Forever united here somehow, (yeah)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Cuz we belong (yeah) together now (together now), (yeah)
Forever united here somehow, (yeah)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you .

Big Update

2009-01-14T17:47:39Z

So it looks as though I haven't updated in over a month and I figured if I'm stuck inside anyway, I might as well make an actual update.

My last few entries have certainly been somewhat vague/depressing, but that's because I didn't really know how to explain how I was feeling, and what I could understand, was random anyway. To make an extremely long and complicated story short Andrew and I broke up for about a months time. It was hard to say we were broken up though when absolutely nothing between us had changed except for our title. This is was obviously not getting us anywhere so I confronted him about it and decided to start moving on as best I could. During this time I learned a lot about myself and gained a lot of strength. The thought of losing me forever, however, terrified Andrew and we are now back together. I know it's the right thing. I love him more than anything and I think we're both happier than we've ever been, so yay! So much for a short story eh?

In other news, I still don't have a steady job and I'm feeling the effects of it. Living on a very tight budget is definitely interesting. I'm almost out of debt though and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The Leafs. Oh the Leafs. I didn't think it was possible, but Vesa Toskala actually aggravates me more than Andrew Raycroft did. He does not seem to understand the concept of guarding the entire net. Bah. And it also helps a goalie when he has you know, DEFENCE! Man, I can hardly watch the games anymore because they pain me so. I'm going to the Leafs Skate on feb. 16 and if Vesas on my skate, god help him. Other than the Staj meister I have no problem viocing my opinios to the players haha.

Between the combination of mass amounts of snow and strep throat I've barely been able to leave the condo and it sucks. Then again, I don't where I'd go, but hey, just having the option would be great. Oh the joys of living in Canada, not that I'd live anywhere else. Woo juniors!:D So on my day of staying in I've decided to listen to BSB, man I love them. Their new album is set for 2010 and holy shiz I'm so excited. It'll also be interesting to see what Nick's new solo CD is going to sound like compared to Now or Never as it was pretty much crap haha.

But I just realized this entry has been one big rambling so when I have more intersting things to talk about I shall post!

Ahh! I'm going to be 22 innn....19 days! AHHHHHHHHH!

...looking back on things I was trying to be someone, I played my part
and kept you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart<3

Brian showing me his heart:)
Photo Credit: Kyla Sheridan.

When I Close my Eyes...

2008-12-09T06:50:27Z

Just because it's more therapeutic this way I'm going to type out these lyrics as I listen.
It's amazing how these are almost true for me. The ones the hit home are bolded for your pleasure.

Feet on the ground
But I can't run
Drowning the noise inside my head
Who is this (Wo)man that I've become
It's killing me to see myself
How do you learn how to forgive?
When deep down inside you can't forget?
With all that I regret...

I pray for the first time, in a long time
The lights fade away...

Finally I'm waking up
I feel like I could let you go
Say everything I wanted to say
I'm okay with being alone
When I close my eyes
When I close my eyes
I'm alive

Never was sure, but now I am
This was the choice I had to make
Maybe I'll neverunderstand
Sometimes you got to make mistakes

Finally I'm waking up
I feel like I could let you go
Say everything I wanted to say
I'm okay with being alone
Finally I'm facing up
I feel like I could let it show
I know I could walk away
I'm okay with being alone
When I close my eyes
When I close my eyes

How do you know where to go when you go away?
When I close my eyes
How do you know when's it's over?

I see for the first time in a long time
Believe me when I say..
Finally I'm waking up
I feel like I could let you go
Say everything I wanted to say
I'm okay with being alone
Finally I'm facing up
I feel like I could let it show
I know I could walk away
I'm okay with being alone
When I close my eyes
When I close my eyes

But really you shouldn't believe me at all because I feel this way 5% of the time, if that</3

Oh yeah, Thanks BSB<3

Writer's Block: Untimely Passing

2008-12-08T17:50:19Z

RIP John Lennon. The list of sudden and unexpected celebrity deaths is long—Princess Di, Heath Ledger, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe, and many more. Which one affected you the most on an emotional level?

View 500 Answers

Princess Diana.
She called me beautiful when I was four years old and from that point on my life was never the sa,e.

Random Rant

2008-12-04T18:37:29Z

It makes me a little bit furious that people keep saying, 'well so much for democracy, we vote in an election and this happens'.
Shut up. Seriously. Shut up. Suspending parliament isn't the greatest idea either because Harper is a douche bag, BUT what may be happening in Canada SHOULD'VE happened to George Bush, it's called impeachment in Amercan speak, and they don't seem to think democracy is lost. So SHUT UP.
Harper obviously can't do his god damn job so why should we fall deeper into a hole?
Harper didn't do anything wrong per say, but that's the thing, he didn't DO ANYTHING, bah

I've never felt numb for this long. I've barely cried. My body is not letting me move on. I hate this,

Hmm? Whatcha say?
That you only meant well?
Well of course you did
That it's all for the best?
YOU decided this...

....

2008-11-23T15:23:21Z

I can't do this.

You are the love of my life and the man I want to marry.

It's almost impossible for me to comprehend that you want to abandon everything me had because you're going to be super busy with school and it's really not fair to me. In a way it's not, butI'm willing to do it. After everything we've been through, you're going to say goodbye cause everything is getting just a little tougher? Why?

Or is there something else? I know there's no other woman because I know you, and you would never do that. But I feel like there's something you're not telling me.

Can Monday at 5 come any slower?

I love you. Please don't do this.

I am evergreen,

2008-10-01T18:06:17Z

So I don't know how long it's been since I've updated last, but I don't really have much to say. Kyla sent me two unreleased BSB songs that didn't make it onto Unbreakable and sometimes I feel it was written just for me. So if you guys are bored you really should read these lyrics/ check out this song.

I've been on the run
slept under the sun
feeding off the clouds and eating them like ice cream
I've been all around
never left this town
blisters on my eyelids like it's spring in paris
Ive seen everything, i've dreamt every dream
I am every human
Oh I'm not even finished

Look how I go
Impeccable flow
wind in my face it hardly ever rains
always on top
I'm coming up
Im everything and I am everything
I know it all dont know a thing
I am changing, still the same
I'm every color I'm every color
I am evergreen

Ive been on the side
always stayed ahead
im so very fast give me a speeding ticket
me you cannot teach
I just wanna know
I've been tryin to stand but I will never grow
I've seen everything, I've dreamt every dream
I am every human
No I'm not even finished

Look how I go
Impeccable flow
wind in my face it hardly ever rains
always on top
I'm coming up
Im everything and I am everything
I know it all dont know a thing
I am changing, still the same
I'm every color I'm every color
I am evergreen

The truth is stranger than fiction
when you're a walking contradiction
when you're evergreen
you're always looking in
you're the first one left
but you're back again
don't be afraid to ask
but don't ask again
we'll forever last when you're evergreen

Thank you

2008-08-20T23:39:16Z

Dear Backstreet Boys,

Even after three days of being home, words still escape me.

Thank you.

heart_whispers @ 2008-08-05T23:54:00

2008-08-06T04:19:57Z

I have been tagged by the one and only stooperstacey.

Directions: Once you've been tagged, you have to write 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 5 people to be tagged, listing their LJ.

1. Whenever I'm the only one awake at night I always feel like someone's following me
2. I hope that the journalism job I do eventually get can be done from home
3. I wish I had the courage to scream at all the people who use elevators when they don't need them
4. I pass judgement on people really fast
5. Sometimes I wish I knew Nick Carter/Matt Stajan so I could just hug them whenever I please
6. Sometimes I wish I could live a different life for just one day
7. I'm seriously scared to move out on my own, but am also really excited
8. I chreograph dace routines in my head to almost every song I hear
9. I think my true calling in life is to be chreographer
10. It pisses me off that I don't think I'll be able to live out my true calling in life
11. I believe in Guardian Angels
12. I think people writing intimate dear_you letters to people they've never met is disrespectful
13. I have really high standards when it comes to cleaniness
14. I'm obsessed with the Backstreet Boys
15. I watch Big Brother to make me feel better about myself
16. I love Andrew Blakey

I Tag:

alivenbreathing jenthesuperone mylifesongsings hockey_fan and angelledastray